Post by lavenderthistle on Jul 27, 2022 22:07:58 GMT -5
I’m sure we’ve all heard it, said it, or have been told about it. Doctors or surgeons who:
“…just didn’t listen to me!”
“I couldn’t understand a thing s/he said!”
“….made me feel so stupid for wasting his/her time!”
“….had a terrible bedside manner!”
“…kept me waiting for an hour!”
“My appointment was cancelled while I was on my way to it!”
The list goes on.
Why does this happen? Surely there’s nothing I could have done! But is there something that you could have done to actually have made things better for both yourself and the physician? Could you have been more prepared for the visit? Do you have the right to record a visit? Does the burden of a good visit rest largely on your shoulders as the patient?
I personally feel that difference between a good visit, a bad visit, or a great visit is at least halfway up to me. I am bringing half of the energy into the appointment. The doctor will still be paid whether I understand what happened or not. If I want to make sure I get the most out of my money then I need to prepare. I also need to be in the right frame of mind to accept any personality type. I also need to accept that emergencies happen and be thankful that I am not one at that moment. I have to realize I am not
the most important person in that doctor’s life. I’m absolutely not the only person in that physician’s life. I am important to me; my job is to find out what is going on with me.
How I prepare
I have to address my weaknesses. I often find it hard to voice what I really want to know. I can advocate for my son and my husband, but when it comes to me, I tend to forget what was really on my mind. If I disagree with something a doctor says, I don’t often say anything. I end up going away hurt or confused. I forget what was said. I forget what I was told I should do. I forget certain terms. I forget to really share how I’m feeling.
Communication
“…my doctor just didn’t listen to me!”
“I couldn’t understand a thing s/he said!”
“….made me feel so stupid for wasting his/her time!”
Since my words fail me, I make a list. I had a great relationship with my last surgeon. It got to the point that he’d just take my phone from me and go down my list of questions.
I promise myself that I will treat myself like a friend. If I don’t understand something, I ask for clarification. If I disagree with a statement the doctor made based on what it was assumed I was attempting to communicate, I will clarify what I was really trying to say or ask. I make sure we’re both talking about the same thing. It won’t help if I’m talking about riding horses in a derby and he’s talking about camel races in the desert. We have to be speaking about the same thing, otherwise, the appointment is just wasting his or her time and mine. Being on the same page is the biggest key to being heard and not feeling stupid. I make sure that I ask good questions. I do research before I go so that I
have a basic idea where things could be headed. Often, I find answers to some of the questions I was planning to ask while I’m doing the searches before my visit. I can then revise my list to not ask as basic of a question, but perhaps a more advanced question so that I get the answer I really need. I’ve found that approaching an appointment with a rudimentary knowledge base will get me further than going in blind.
Respect my doctor’s time
I write down what my doctors say. I find the act of actually writing helps me remember diagnoses and advice better or changes my frame of mind so that I can better recall things I may have missed asking. I don’t want my appointment to be a waste of time for either of us, which it will be if I can’t remember what we decided. My time is too valuable to have to repeat an appointment for basic questions. I feel this also leads to a better relationship with the practitioner. I can’t imagine doctors want to repeat the
same information time and again to me. I don’t lie to my doctor. When my doctor asks me how I am, I tell him.
Organization of records
This is part of good communication. Keeping an inventory of me, what was done to me, what I did to me, is a ready base of information that the doctor and his or her team may be able to use. When I provide it they don’t have to waste time unearthing it. I keep copies of all of my images. I have lost my surgical notes from 2011, but I do have image discs just 4 months apart before and after surgery. I have the repeat scans as follow up post-surgery so the new surgeon can see how things have changed over time. I read my surgical notes before I turned them over to my PCP (they were destroyed after seven years; I should have kept a copy myself). When I was asked about the surgical notes, I could tell the
office with certainty all of the need-to-know info about my past operation. I read all of my radiology reports and research every term to make certain I know what those words mean. I look at all of the image studies done, then try to match up the information in the report with the images on screen so that I can develop a fuller picture. Doing this means I can ask better questions as care goes on. This is my body. I have to make it my business to know what is wrong with it. I have to be an expert on
me.
Prickly doctors
“….had a terrible bedside manner!”
Not all doctors are cuddly and warm. Some doctors can seem very perfunctory, while still caring very deeply. I do prefer a doctor who gets right down to business, one who saves the pleasantries for the end of the visit. A doctor attempting to win me over with good natured banter having nothing to do with my visit tends to make me suspicious. I raised a child to adulthood and I have a husband. Through them I have learned that, too much ingratiating often hides something not so great. Most doctors I have enjoyed successful care from are a bit distant while maintaining warmth.
Frustration
“…kept me waiting for an hour!”
“My appointment was cancelled while I was on my way to it!”
I’ve gotten over the first hurdle and I have an appointment. I’ve cleared the second hurdle; I have my list of questions. I’ve researched what I know, I’ve chatted with friends to find out what they would ask, this helps me be prepared to participate in the appointment with good questions. The third hurdle arrives. I’m just about to start the jump when (oh no!) the phone rings. My appointment got bumped due to an emergency. This is such a letdown for me. I’m angry, I’m frustrated. I am NOT going to snap at the scheduler. I am going to understand that this person is only delivering a message. I am going to simply reschedule. I am still going to be upset, but I am going to remind myself that surgeon is there on what could possibly be the worst day in another person’s life. I would want that dedication used on me if I needed it. I am going to remember I am not the only person in that doctor’s life and I am going to move forward.
So where does this leave you? What can you do to make your appointment good or great? You can try some of my tactics or just go with your own.
The singularly most important thing you can and should do is educate yourself. Don’t scare yourself, but learn all you can about your condition.
Don’t take the advice from the doctor/surgeon as a personal attack, but as a very valid suggestion.
If the doctor suggests weight loss may help you, ask what factors of your condition are affected by weight. Keep an open mind.
If you think the surgeon makes you feel stupid, did you ask a question that any internet search could turn up an answer for? Such as, “what is the lumbar spine”? A doctor is very likely to disregard some of the things you ask if you don’t know something as basic as the parts of the spine.
Can you record your visit for later reference? A note about this is below, the article is from 2017, check with your state for definitive information. It does no harm to ask your physician if you can record it to refer to later.
General information on recording doctor’s visits (short article)
I hope that some of this gives you something to ponder before your next appointment.
“…just didn’t listen to me!”
“I couldn’t understand a thing s/he said!”
“….made me feel so stupid for wasting his/her time!”
“….had a terrible bedside manner!”
“…kept me waiting for an hour!”
“My appointment was cancelled while I was on my way to it!”
The list goes on.
Why does this happen? Surely there’s nothing I could have done! But is there something that you could have done to actually have made things better for both yourself and the physician? Could you have been more prepared for the visit? Do you have the right to record a visit? Does the burden of a good visit rest largely on your shoulders as the patient?
I personally feel that difference between a good visit, a bad visit, or a great visit is at least halfway up to me. I am bringing half of the energy into the appointment. The doctor will still be paid whether I understand what happened or not. If I want to make sure I get the most out of my money then I need to prepare. I also need to be in the right frame of mind to accept any personality type. I also need to accept that emergencies happen and be thankful that I am not one at that moment. I have to realize I am not
the most important person in that doctor’s life. I’m absolutely not the only person in that physician’s life. I am important to me; my job is to find out what is going on with me.
How I prepare
I have to address my weaknesses. I often find it hard to voice what I really want to know. I can advocate for my son and my husband, but when it comes to me, I tend to forget what was really on my mind. If I disagree with something a doctor says, I don’t often say anything. I end up going away hurt or confused. I forget what was said. I forget what I was told I should do. I forget certain terms. I forget to really share how I’m feeling.
Communication
“…my doctor just didn’t listen to me!”
“I couldn’t understand a thing s/he said!”
“….made me feel so stupid for wasting his/her time!”
Since my words fail me, I make a list. I had a great relationship with my last surgeon. It got to the point that he’d just take my phone from me and go down my list of questions.
I promise myself that I will treat myself like a friend. If I don’t understand something, I ask for clarification. If I disagree with a statement the doctor made based on what it was assumed I was attempting to communicate, I will clarify what I was really trying to say or ask. I make sure we’re both talking about the same thing. It won’t help if I’m talking about riding horses in a derby and he’s talking about camel races in the desert. We have to be speaking about the same thing, otherwise, the appointment is just wasting his or her time and mine. Being on the same page is the biggest key to being heard and not feeling stupid. I make sure that I ask good questions. I do research before I go so that I
have a basic idea where things could be headed. Often, I find answers to some of the questions I was planning to ask while I’m doing the searches before my visit. I can then revise my list to not ask as basic of a question, but perhaps a more advanced question so that I get the answer I really need. I’ve found that approaching an appointment with a rudimentary knowledge base will get me further than going in blind.
Respect my doctor’s time
I write down what my doctors say. I find the act of actually writing helps me remember diagnoses and advice better or changes my frame of mind so that I can better recall things I may have missed asking. I don’t want my appointment to be a waste of time for either of us, which it will be if I can’t remember what we decided. My time is too valuable to have to repeat an appointment for basic questions. I feel this also leads to a better relationship with the practitioner. I can’t imagine doctors want to repeat the
same information time and again to me. I don’t lie to my doctor. When my doctor asks me how I am, I tell him.
Organization of records
This is part of good communication. Keeping an inventory of me, what was done to me, what I did to me, is a ready base of information that the doctor and his or her team may be able to use. When I provide it they don’t have to waste time unearthing it. I keep copies of all of my images. I have lost my surgical notes from 2011, but I do have image discs just 4 months apart before and after surgery. I have the repeat scans as follow up post-surgery so the new surgeon can see how things have changed over time. I read my surgical notes before I turned them over to my PCP (they were destroyed after seven years; I should have kept a copy myself). When I was asked about the surgical notes, I could tell the
office with certainty all of the need-to-know info about my past operation. I read all of my radiology reports and research every term to make certain I know what those words mean. I look at all of the image studies done, then try to match up the information in the report with the images on screen so that I can develop a fuller picture. Doing this means I can ask better questions as care goes on. This is my body. I have to make it my business to know what is wrong with it. I have to be an expert on
me.
Prickly doctors
“….had a terrible bedside manner!”
Not all doctors are cuddly and warm. Some doctors can seem very perfunctory, while still caring very deeply. I do prefer a doctor who gets right down to business, one who saves the pleasantries for the end of the visit. A doctor attempting to win me over with good natured banter having nothing to do with my visit tends to make me suspicious. I raised a child to adulthood and I have a husband. Through them I have learned that, too much ingratiating often hides something not so great. Most doctors I have enjoyed successful care from are a bit distant while maintaining warmth.
Frustration
“…kept me waiting for an hour!”
“My appointment was cancelled while I was on my way to it!”
I’ve gotten over the first hurdle and I have an appointment. I’ve cleared the second hurdle; I have my list of questions. I’ve researched what I know, I’ve chatted with friends to find out what they would ask, this helps me be prepared to participate in the appointment with good questions. The third hurdle arrives. I’m just about to start the jump when (oh no!) the phone rings. My appointment got bumped due to an emergency. This is such a letdown for me. I’m angry, I’m frustrated. I am NOT going to snap at the scheduler. I am going to understand that this person is only delivering a message. I am going to simply reschedule. I am still going to be upset, but I am going to remind myself that surgeon is there on what could possibly be the worst day in another person’s life. I would want that dedication used on me if I needed it. I am going to remember I am not the only person in that doctor’s life and I am going to move forward.
So where does this leave you? What can you do to make your appointment good or great? You can try some of my tactics or just go with your own.
The singularly most important thing you can and should do is educate yourself. Don’t scare yourself, but learn all you can about your condition.
Don’t take the advice from the doctor/surgeon as a personal attack, but as a very valid suggestion.
If the doctor suggests weight loss may help you, ask what factors of your condition are affected by weight. Keep an open mind.
If you think the surgeon makes you feel stupid, did you ask a question that any internet search could turn up an answer for? Such as, “what is the lumbar spine”? A doctor is very likely to disregard some of the things you ask if you don’t know something as basic as the parts of the spine.
Can you record your visit for later reference? A note about this is below, the article is from 2017, check with your state for definitive information. It does no harm to ask your physician if you can record it to refer to later.
General information on recording doctor’s visits (short article)
I hope that some of this gives you something to ponder before your next appointment.